War's over

 Thought my sadness was fading but instead I'm wading thru life drowning, my light is  dimming.

Every day is a struggle a war with my own thoughts, my inner demons I thought I had laid to rest 

The battle rages but I grow weary and weak the outcome looks bleak

Maybe this time I'll stay defeated 

The voices get louder, the doubt grows stronger, I keep slipping I don't want to give in but I keep tripping 

Except this time its worse I don't want to keep living 

Imagine©

A life without struggle
A life without conflict
A life without pain
A perfect world with no fear, no lies, no turmoil, and no hate
What kind of life would that be?
If there's no struggle you have no humility
If there's no conflict there's no knowledge Without pain there's no appreciation
How nice would it be to live in a 'perfect' world
Yet we would know nothing, feel nothing, be nothing
And what kind of life would that be?

I've Found Home

I sat with you and watched the sun set on all our fears and insecurities. As I watched the light slip away I held you close and whispered in your ear; let go of your past let it slip away into the darkness along with any doubts and look forward to a brighter future. Where there is no you or me only us. Watch the sun rise on our new beginning and imagine the perfection that is you and I and the beauty we will create together. Forever is timeless and I get lost in you, there is no here nor there time stands still and the only reality I feel is the moments I create with you. And the only thing that comes to mind is Ru-mah.

Intro..

Haven't written in years! The last thing I wrote is the start of a story 2 years ago. Here some poems and excerpts that I've written thru time, mostly in my younger years.

My goal is to finish my story and post it once its complete.

Let me know what ya'll think and hopefully I can find my Muse again and continue :)

Friendship

A Throw back....The first time I ever put words together lol i was like 12 so enjoys...

"When I asked G-d for a flower, He gave me a garden. When I asked Him for a tree, He gave me a forrest.     When I asked Him for a river, He gave me an ocean.   And when I asked Him for a friend, He gave me you!"

I trusted you, I put my Life in your hands. I thought I could count on you to be there always. I told you my life, my worries my sorows and a whole lot more, thinking you could help. Thinking you would always be there for me, that you were one of a kind, a very rare, well what they a call a true friend. I'd like to deny the feeling that you only befriended me because you felt sorry for me. I'd raher not think for the worst; but I just can't help asking why?       Why I ran to you? Why did you want to help? Why certain days you seemed not to care? Why those days I needed you most it seemed like you didn't want to be there, as if you didn't care. Why when i truly needed your support you decided to cut me short? Why? Well you're not to blame, I blame myself. Sometimes it was just my fault. I have to understand you just had other plans, other sh*t to do. I wouldn't feel upset, I understood, because no matter what; when I was feeling down or blue and I was too afraid to go and talk to you. You with out even knowing it, knew just to do. The simplest "Hello" that came from you, would be enough to make my day, as long as it came from you. Why do you mean so much to me, I haven't the slightest clue. Will I ever let you know?  Why am I still so afraid to talk to you? To let you in and help you understand who I really am.I felt I could trust you, I thought I new you well enough to tell you anything. It's those days that made me think "Is she mad at me?" "Is she tired of hearing me?" But than again who am I to say? Who am I to assume what you may be thinking? Regardless, always know that no matter what; I will ALWAYS look up to you in admiration, because you were the nicest thing that had ever happen to me. I hope that someday I will get to tell it all. That one day I can tell a story, my story, a story of fears, joys, sorrows, and pains. A story of life. m life, a life that goes beyond love, hopes, dreams, and tears, a story of truth. The day approches it's almost near, I ask myself will I have anything to fear? The only thing left to fear is is that this sad day is almost here. I ask you again is this real? Can our friendship truly be so dear? I hope this friendship is truly sincere. Please don't let it drift apart, let our friendship soar and stay within our hearts. With my last words I say 'Forget me not' because you, I will treasure more than life itself. I'll hold you close because to me you are something so precious and dear, something that cannot be replaced. It's hard to explain, but to see your face is knowing how true friendship feels. It's knowing you're protected and safe. However to leave you brings immense pain and fear, as if there would be no hope, that I will near the end of time without you, hopeless and alone. Know this you are my true friend and the love I feel for (you) our friendship is larger than anything you could ever imagine! A bond so so unique, I ask myself "Can our friendship truly be this strong?" Again, what is to happen when that dreadful day is here? I ask you again, will you forget me? are you really a true friend? Do you care for me the way I do for you? Does our friendship truly mean anything toyou? With words unspoken and questions unanswered, I have nothing more to say, nothing left to speak. As dawn is at its peak, I await the day when I can have the courage to to ask "Are you my friend?" a simple question, thats, answer can change my life forever. You choose how you will affect my life, all i can do now is sit and wait...Until then I await in the shadows of my thoughts, hoping that when the time is perfect an I am ready you will be there waiting with open arms. Let our friendship last, let this not be the truth of my fears, my drownning in mne tears, but the long lasting memories and thoughts of a true friendship that will last for years and years to come!  

Regretfully Yours

I can no longer continue to lie to myself

 No matter how much I try to fight it

There is no denying this feeling I have

As hard as I may try to avoid it supress it

It still remains

For you see what I am begining to learn is

as hard as one may try one cannot ignore the matters of the heart

I don't know why I don't know how

But for some reason mine has chosen to fall for you

For you see I had it well trained and hidden

confined and inpriosned to make sure i kept it safe

For  it is very fragile and as you well know

a broken heart is no easy task to mend

I've kept mine gaurded and kept it away from this thing

This thing thats called Love

Afraid that with such so called happiness

Comes tremendous pain and sorrow

Heartache

Yet somehow

you found your way in

You've left an impression that I could NEVER get rid of

As hard as I may try to ignore it and befriend another

I find myself incomplete

Its saddens to know that yours is spoken for

But worse it breaks to see that yours aches

My words say one thing but my soul yurns for another

Fearful I have been

to let you in and do this whole love thing

For you see I don't think my heart could take the pain of losing you

I'd rather suffer silently than to be so vunrable

However today I might have realized something amazing

Something that makes me want to just let go and cast my fears aside

and do whatever it takes to make you mines

Guess love makes you do that..

I've realized I don't care how frightning it may be

or how hard it may get

I am finally ready

for my mind and soul to be in harmony

I've let my barcades down and have accepted this feeling

I don't know what exactly I'm suppose to do

but what I do know is that I am willing to do anything for you

So I'll wait patiently no matter how long it takes

Because deep down I know your heart beats for mines too.

♥

Venice

I SAT AND WATCHED THE SUN RISE

I FELT ITS WARMTH AND THOUGHT OF YOUR EMBRACE

I SAW ITS LIGHT AND THOUGHT OF YOUR SMILE

I WATCHED AS IT DANCED IN THE SKY AND THOUGHT OF THE PERFECTION

THAT IS YOU AND I.

I SAT AND STARED AT THE BEAUTY NATURE MADE BEFORE ME

AND PONDERED AT THE MUSIC WE COULD MAKE, THE STORIES WE COULD TELL

AND THE WONDERS WE'LL CREATE

I IMAGINED ME AND YOU

AND SAW MY WORLD OPEN UP A NEW